i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
