how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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