My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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