I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
