she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
