dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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