ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
