you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
