first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
