Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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