Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Drunk is a universal language darling
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
