It's Friday. Sex?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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