I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
