thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
