So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
