Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(317): View more from Indiana

His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?

(305): View more from Florida

Its worth a shot.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex

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(713): View more from Texas

He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance

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(646): View more from New York

According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.

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(613): View more from Ontario

Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest

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(425): View more from Washington

Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.

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(214): View more from Texas

Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic

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