Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
