he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
