yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
