Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
