when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
