Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
