i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
