ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
