there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
