im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
