so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
