I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
