Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
