this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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