If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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