So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
