Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
