he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
