After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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