I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
