mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
