Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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