I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
