He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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