How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
