Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
