so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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