my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
