is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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