i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
