i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
