Duck Duck Cougar?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
