remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
