Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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