Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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